SEX

Beneath the folds

Just as white light contains the entire spectrum of colors, what we call love really covers a broad range of emotions. Unless you know this to be true, you will think of colors as separate phenomena. Many are the pious who condemn sexual attraction as lust, worse even than the absence of love. On the other extreme, our pornographic, consumerist society presents sex as if it were interchangeable with love.

Each extreme robs women of their being and men of their potential. Each profanes our sacred nature. Each deprives us all of what sexuality ultimately signifies: our most poignant, incarnate experience of separation and oneness. The overwhelming but often fleeting sense of oneness arises when we connect profoundly with another. The acute feeling of separation tears into us when that quest for oneness becomes a mirage, or when after achieving it we lose it.

In balance, your sexual attraction blends with other higher-frequency "colors" within the "love-spectrum" such as generosity, kindness, compassion, and devotion. Sexual exploration in the context of a loving relationship is a vast field of sensation, emotion, and connection.

That is a good reason to call it “making love” instead of having sex. It is truly something we make, based on who we are, rather than something we have. It is freely available in unlimited quantity. It is precious, but no amount of money will make it more accessible.

Once you channel your sexual energy into a closed-circuit flow with your partner, rather than seeking immediate release of tension, you can together experience a sustained state of bliss.

There is a deeper satisfaction possible here than in following the popular protocol of arousal to orgasm, that can be likened to "scratching the itch".

Make love as an art, and give your greatest expression of this mysterious gift. It is less about positions and techniques, and more about a state of being.

There are some deeply ingrained habits you can change that will foster this state of being.

Slow down and enjoy the ride. Give your attention to a greater range of sensation. Allow yourself to wander off the main road that is supposed to lead you to what you thought was your main destination, called orgasm.

Experiment progressively with making love without a destination. When the mighty river leads you close to the falls, pull back from the current and remain in that state of heightened sensation, awareness, and connection. This, remember, is the “love” you are making. This is the state you desired to be in with your partner.

The male orgasm is like the falls crashing down, a point of no return. As a woman, you are endowed with greater potential to sustain an orgasmic state. You are like heated water, rather than a flame that can be snuffed out. The flame was necessary to heat the water. The artful male lover learns to retain his ignition power without being snuffed out. When your body is in the the habit of immediate release, this may at first seem impossible.

With time, lots of practice, and a patient, willing partner, you will find yourself blissfully surfing together through the mighty wave of sexual desire that once overwhelmed you.